Fire = Drive

My passion,my drive,I fear that it is gone. Yet,not. It's like I have been smothered so much by life and consequences of my own actions that that which fuels me is small and slowly dying,or close to being cut off. It's scary...being vibrant and feeling drained mentally all the time. To have such dreams and ideas,yet not the energy to give it my all. I'm tired of BEING tired,of feeling unmotivated,content to be bufted by the waves. I need a change and I will get up step by step and get there. My life won't continue to be a prison of my own making. I WILL reclaim my drive. The question is,when will I stop making excuses and do the damn work?

FUCKING COCKSUCKING SON OF A BITCH!!!!!

The above title is my new name for the "Governor" of this state. He just confirmed feelings that I have had...and it ain't good AT ALL... Let me take you back to two weeks ago.I had a feeling overtake me that I couldn't deny. A feeling of dread. I started searching more in depth for houses and apartments. I can across one on Facebook marketplace,but it is too much money and the place felt off so I didn't pursue it. It was another hotel,that had been converted into apartments. Yet as I came back to the current hotel,as I was going to pay last week,the owner had me fill out the form for the first time in months,and had taken to locking the office door while he was inside. The vibe was off,and at first I couldn't place it. All I could feel was that I needed to find a new place to live and I didn't have a lot of time. Again,I couldn't shake then feeling. Along with the feeling that my business HAS to start bringing in some serious money as soon as possible,to cover me. Which I was heading in that direction anyhow,but the feeling was stronger than ever and didn't leave me,even as I write this. THEN the little bitch "Governor" threw a hiss fit and pulled Disney's special privileges away and everything began to make SENSE. As much as I do not want this to happen,I for the past few weeks FELT this coming. I always said that Orange and Osceola counties were going to be too expensive for people to live in and with him doing this,prices are going to raise everywhere and strain placed on each part of the state. The bill had passed this past Friday to strip Disney of its privileges and will take effect next summer in June. People are going to lose their homes,jobs and strain the surrounding areas,trying to move out of both counties or leave the state in general. He has destroyed this already sinking ship. Now I have to keep myself ahead of the game and afloat...I just don't know where I will end up. I have to get myself motivated and starting TODAY,I LITERALLY CAN NOT fuck around anymore. I need to light my fire and press on. Time is of the essence and there isn't much of it,especially when Mercury Retrograde part two of FOUR (yes you read that right...fucking FOUR!!!!) A mere few days away. Time for some new contracts and to complete older ones. I will carve this future out and help myself and be happy dammit!!!!