Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all who are celebrating. Again,I am reminded,of my little one,Rinne. *smiles* For those of you who are new,Rinne is my baby,that I miscarried years ago. I believe she would've been a girl. I was too early to tell and didn't figure out I was pregnant until shortly before miscarrying. Know that Mommy loves you and you are always in my heart.

Love,Mommy

Dead Bird

Last week,I meant to write this,but neglected to do so. Walking back from the bus stop after work,I walked upon the body of a dead blackbird. It was strange. Poor thing. It was as if something either burst from the crow's chest or possibly broke through the birds chest and ate its insides. Some of its innards were beside it. Weird fact about me? I can't,in good conscience leave a dead animal alone,without burying it first,which is what I did,with my shoe. I dug a hole as deep as I could,and slide the bird in,as deep as I could. Some feathers still stuck out,but I did what I could, and said a prayer,I hope the blackbird soars high in the beyond. What followed next was disturbing to say the least. I had a vision... In the vision,I was walking along the same road,not sure what my destination was and I stumbled upon a HUGE (and I am talking HUGE,unusually so) gray eagle. It,too,was dead. I was literally flipping out about how I was going to bury such a large bird as I didn't have supplies to do so for a bird so big. So I just said a prayer and with a heavy heart,had to leave it. I believe the dead eagle represents the death of the United States and my walking away from it. Unscathed somehow,yet disappointed. I was stunned and scared,this vision I hope DOESN'T come to pass...

X

Huh. You still have a hold on me in ways I don't like. That ends,TONIGHT. Here I write the FINAL cleansing of you,to open myself up for the good to come. B- (2004-early 2009)-The one that scarred me the most. I was never good enough,I loved you more than you loved me. Yes,I followed you like a puppy in the beginning,BECAUSE I LIKED YOU, but you always treated that negatively. Threw it in my face as an insult. Everytime your 'sister' had something to say about me,you wouldn't defend me after she told you not to,and your dad lied to your grandmother about me,etc. From day one,you always asked when the relationship would end and I was left wondering why get involved with me if you had no confidence in the relationship? Not long after I realized it was to fit in with all of our mutual friends. It was okay for you to go out and hangout with whomever and do whatever,but me? NO. You were never considerate of me and how I felt. I was always an issue and if on the off chance you knew something that I didn't? God! The high it gave you and you wouldn't share the knowledge with me. You were dirty,lazy,condescending,caught an attitude every other minute,said I was acting like a Mom or,and I quote, "you are acting like something that starts with an M and ends with and M" Looking back,I realized I was the only one who tried to keep the relationship going,while you just weren't. I could go on and on but that sums it up. I regained myself and the freedom to love anew after we parted ways. You were the embodiment of what I will NEVER tolerate again. Relationships are supposed to grow and evolve,not destroy a person from the inside out. Lesson learned the hardway. I wish you peace and happiness in all you do,go in peace,never to meet again. FARE THY WELL. M-Summer of 2017, I fell for you and was in a Poly situation. We flirted heavily and began a short fling. Your wife decided against being in a Poly relationship and we broke it off and continued to be friends-ish. Until you decided we couldn't be and that hurt A LOT. Then came Yule of that year,when I gave you a large grabbag of stuff because I missed your birthday and it resulted in a fight between you two. You then put me on a shelf,so to speak,ignored,not talked to and treated less than a human being,never admitting your guilt in all of this. It was you who put those feelings of 'being lonely' in the atmosphere and once something came along shiny and new,there I went,back seated for the new shiny. I treated you with respect and all I got was crap in return. I asked you for one thing,remember? For us to be us,and you couldn't deliver that. I never asked to be teeated like trash or a slut. I just fell for the wrong person. Fast forward,to the yesr 2020,when you decided to "check in with me, via Facebook messenger "to see how I was doing with this "end of the world stuff." To which I didn't reply. To which you then replied, that "I must be still mad about the relationship" and that I "only had to tell you and you would leave my life forever." To which I didn't reply again. A game can't be played,if I choose not to enter the court. Yet I am grateful,because afterwards,I discovered that I COULD STILL LOVE,I am WORTHY of love and I know my worth. For that,I thank you,and wish you the best in all you do. May we never cross paths again. FARE THY WELL. And with that,I open myself up and am ready for the man that I need to enter my life. I cast off these relationships of yester year and let them shackle me no more. BLESSED BE, and on with the good!