This Is My Confession

[ethereal_tempest]

So...today two of my friends took a monumental step in their lives. I couldn't be happier for them. I wish them both all the happiness in the world. Now for the dilemma. As my friend was preparing to surprise his girlfriend,he was happily telling me the details od how he was going to surprise her and as he was telling me this,I was torn. Again,I am happy for them both,but part of me was screaming internally: STOP! STOP TELLING ME! I honestly understand why some people say that its hard living with a couple. We get along great and all. Their love is sweet and strong and I admire that a lot. The problem is that it made me take a good look inside myself and wonder WHY? What did I miss? Why is love eluding me? Why did I ever give people who were undeserving of my affections a chance? Am I really that unloveable? That unlucky? Am I really a problem? I have a friend who is with child,a friend whose married,and two of my friends are engaged as of today. Love is everywhere around me,EXCEPT with me. WHY AM I ALWAYS ALONE? I never get my moment in the sun. It hurts. These feelings cascaded over me like a wave the night before last. I had to retreat to my room from them often. I can't be around them too much because it hurts. I want to be in love. I'm worthy of love. I can be a great partner to someone. I don't want anyone's PITY. I just want to have what others have. I just...don't know how much longer I can hold on,to the hope within my heart...

Comments

[wraithmoon]

I hear you, sis. I was once where you are now (pre-Josh, even during my time with Isaiah.) As noble as it is to celebrate others' happiness, it is not so selfish to want a piece of that communion for yourself. You are absolutely worthy of it and love is not eluding you. You are a Witch, sister. Would you consider calling love to you? Surely there's some kind of magick for you to cast and call an opportunity of love for yourself. I visualized (someone like) Josh for close to a year before meeting him. I envisioned meeting someone with the qualities (both physical and personality) I sought and desired- and when I felt ready, I put myself out therein the world. It was not a coincidence when he found my profile on OkCupid.

But I love you and I loathe the fact that you're hurting. Please know that I'm here if you need someone to listen ♥