This Is My Confession

So...today two of my friends took a monumental step in their lives. I couldn't be happier for them. I wish them both all the happiness in the world. Now for the dilemma. As my friend was preparing to surprise his girlfriend,he was happily telling me the details od how he was going to surprise her and as he was telling me this,I was torn. Again,I am happy for them both,but part of me was screaming internally: STOP! STOP TELLING ME! I honestly understand why some people say that its hard living with a couple. We get along great and all. Their love is sweet and strong and I admire that a lot. The problem is that it made me take a good look inside myself and wonder WHY? What did I miss? Why is love eluding me? Why did I ever give people who were undeserving of my affections a chance? Am I really that unloveable? That unlucky? Am I really a problem? I have a friend who is with child,a friend whose married,and two of my friends are engaged as of today. Love is everywhere around me,EXCEPT with me. WHY AM I ALWAYS ALONE? I never get my moment in the sun. It hurts. These feelings cascaded over me like a wave the night before last. I had to retreat to my room from them often. I can't be around them too much because it hurts. I want to be in love. I'm worthy of love. I can be a great partner to someone. I don't want anyone's PITY. I just want to have what others have. I just...don't know how much longer I can hold on,to the hope within my heart...

GoddessMother

This is another thing that has eluded me. I am responsible,decent,loyal and trustworthy. So I don't get why I get passed by. I justify this by repeating to myself that this is the parents decision,but they KNOW that I am a good person,but I guess that will never be enough. That I am not good enough. I help out when and when not asked,i'm very tidy,i'm considerate and I'm very knowledgeable. Maybe in the future I will have people who actually trust me and give me the honor of being a goddessmother. Maybe its just this crop of people. Who knows? *sigh* Hopefully,this too shall pass.